Dh and I have been married 39 years, and last fall I was told by my sils, again, that I had no say in family matters because I was NOT family, because I was not blood. This was not a news bulletin to me because I had realized a long time ago that they considered anyone that was not direct bloodline had no value to the family by my mil and sil’s. It was the first time, however, they had the guts to say it in front of dh. I’ve never seen him so angry, both women craw-fished backwards as he unloaded on them. Especially the Bible thumping one. He told her she better get her Bible out and re-read what it says about marriage and family. He ranted for a long time at them about how much more of a daughter I’d been to their parents then they had been. A truth neither of them wanted to face.
When we were first married I was unaware of this belief on their part, I should have talked to my dbil’s three ex-wives because later I did and each of them said they were forced out by the mil and sils not considering them family. If I had I would have taken my stand much earlier in life. For the first several years my inlaws tried to make ALL our major decisions for us, telling dh what he MUST do and consulting me not at all. The first time we purchased a car without getting dfil’s blessing he came unglued literally. Called us stupid for not getting his blessing and having talked to Uncle Kelly on the reliability of the car, which turned out to be a wonderful car.
My mil considered me worthless for waiting for over a year to have their first “natural” grandchild. I literally walked out of a family reunion when my child by my first marriage was told she couldn’t be in the family photo.
Luckily my husband was the alpha of the 4 kids and he stood up for me and my child time and time again. The family resentment is still high about it 39 years later. Yet it is us they turn to for money or other needs every single time. When dfil was dying he begged me to protect my dmil from my sil. When mil decided she was going to need a financial and physical care giver it was me she asked to do it. Life is funny.